Cold-Coma Cows and Turning 51


Move over Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day! Your ONE day was lightweight compared to what I’ve been through! I have experienced: Amy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Last TEN Days From H-E-Double Toothpicks!

There is a lot about the last 10 days I don’t remember, however, because I was in a COLD-COMA! You may know the first symptoms (is my throat scratchy?). Like me, you try to ignore them (must be dust making my nose runny!). But when that first sleepless night (Oh, look, it’s 2 AM. Argh! My throat, she burns!! Shoot! Better go make some tea. Shoot!) turns into a week of sleepless delirium (Oh, look at the pretty cows flying above the trees in pinkness i’m not sleepy nope I’m awake and how now the brown cow! tee hee! i go sleepy now) you know you have entered a cold-coma.

We know well the symptoms of the common cold: stuffy nose, sneezing, cough, fever.

But rarely do we hear (or share) the symptoms of a cold-coma: sleep that comes in minute filled snippets. And the sleep that does come is interrupted with frequent gagging from the drainage in your throat. And when you do sleep you dream of bizarre things like flying cows until you snort yourself awake and then stay awake because your throat hurts so badly you have to get up to make yourself another cup of hot tea and eat gluten free crackers because they scratch your throat for you when you swallow and that feels GOOD. We all do that, right??

My cold-coma days were filled with mind-numbing TV which included a documentary on Eulle Gibbons and back to back episodes of Property Virgins until Dr Oz came on and mocked me with his weight loss ideas as I sat on the sofa with body-rot, my only exercise coming from nose blowing ab workouts. I have cold-coma abs!

Then evening comes. And so very tired am I but I certainly don’t want to go to bed because bedtime brings frustrating sleeplessness as others in the household taunt me with their snores (even our dog snores!) and, besides, cold-coma sleeping brings the cows.

And every day it starts all over. My time was warped. Property Virgins, Cows, and Kleenex became my very existence!

I began to wonder if I’d ever. get. better.

Poor.

Me!

Well, I did get better.

Pretty much.

Today is day 10 and I’m better though I’m still not over it. But I have finally been able to sleep!  Not all night at once, mind you, but in two or three shifts at a time! How wonderful is that!

A couple major events took place this last week despite my feeling sorry for myself frustrating cold:

First, and mostly highly important: I turned 51. Now, I’m not that big into birthdays. Especially my own. So, this “turning older” thing happened in the midst of my cold-coma and I was so distracted by cows in la-la land that “the big day” would have slipped right by me…had my husband not shut of HGTV and snapped me out of my misery and propped me up long enough to make me open the presents he’d bought for me . The sweet man must have known I was going to survive (though I wondered) because he bought me some clothes, soap/lotion and my favorite tea. But there was no way I was going to remove my worn-for-four-day-warm-warm-jammies to try on the pretty new clothes, and I didn’t have the strength to unscrew the lid off the lotion to smell it (if only I could smell!), and the tea, well the tea would be nice if he’d boil me some water please! It was a swell birthday! I’ve never had one quite like it! Now I’m left with the remnants: next time someone asks (and no one ever asks me anymore) I have to remember to say that I’m 51.

Secondly, we had our 11 year anniversary just 3 days after the above mentioned birthday!  We follow the “anniversary gift rule” where we buy our anniversary gifts based on the number of years we’ve been married and what the gift should be. Eleven years = steel. So I–still in my cold-coma–wrapped my husbands present in purple gift wrap while he was at work one day! It was, by all accounts, the WORST wrapping job I have ever done! My husband pretended not to notice as he ripped the purple paper to reveal a stainless steel water heater for his hot tea (which I had ordered LONG before falling into the cold-coma, and BELIEVE ME it was hard not pull that box from the closet and rip it open as I lay at home alone watching tv and sipping hot tea from microwave-induced hot water). My husband brought me a stainless steel vase with the most beautiful flowers. It was the perfect gift for a sick wife!

So now I’m 51!  I’ve been married 11 years! All that just kinda happened while I was sick! And, hey, I’m still here! My biggest disappointment was not being able to make myself the lovely looking Chocolate Cake recipe in the The Gluten-Free Almond Flour Cookbook!

Maybe this weekend. I have a good feeling that I’ll be feeling good by this weekend!  I’m going through fewer kleenex, I’m no longer watching HGTV, and the cows? They’ve gone home!

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